My life now is measured in monetary terms. Everything boils down to bills, expenditures, income, instalments etc. It is a tedious and boring process. It would have been more worthwhile if I had a target to work towards. I have no cars to maintain, I have no flat to work towards. Don't get me wrong. I never blamed my family for the situation I am in. I am thankful for the very fact that I exist. As the saying goes, "Everyone is equal. But some are more equal than others." I do not bear a grudge against my parents for not being rich. I have learnt from my bestfriend Sophia, that what matters is that my family is contented. If I can provide for them, I would be more than happy to do it. I will work hard and give back to my family, so that they can have an easier life, so that they can finally break free from the poverty cycle.
What depresses me is that the target of my life is missing. At the age of 22, I do not know where my life is leading me. I thought I knew, but apparently I am mistaken. Even though my brother and sister are married before they were financially stable, I envy them. They have a target to work towards. All around me, people are planning to settle down; Kym&WY, XF&Eric, Ken&Gf, Wx&Kat. How I long for a sense of belonging. How I wish I could have a savings account with somebody, to work towards a better future together.
Maybe I shouldn't think of the future now. All I want now is for Dad to be here with us. In the blink of an eye, my parents are hitting 50 soon. I want to bring them for a holiday to HongKong. I want to do my part as a daughter, to be someone they can depend on. Other than this, nothing else is important.
Why should I give up, when the difficult moments of life are the moments that make living worthwhile.
